Where Have I been?

Well, it's June 2015. 

The last post I made on here was February 2014. 

I think it's safe to say I have a little bit of catching up to do. 

Months in Review

In the fall of 2013, following our failed Frozen Embryo Transfer, I started to feel quite strange. I expressed to my physician that I have was experiencing some "out of body" experiences. It is hard for me to explain what it really felt like but it was just NOT RIGHT. My doctor understood right away. She said that some women who are going through Menopause will express that they feel that way. She didn't believe I was at that stage but she began to wonder if it was just all of the hormones working through out my body. She decided to send me on to an endocrinologist just to get his input on things.

November 2013

After an in depth visit to a highly recommended endocrinologist, they discovered that I had nodules growing on my left side and middle part of my thyroid. He expressed to me that they were quite large and he wanted to keep an eye on them. After doing some very painful biopsies they declared that they were benign. The doctor made plans for me to see him in 6 months. I started some thyroid medicine to help shrink the nodules, as well.

June 2014

I had my 6 month follow-up with my endocrinologist. This included an ultrasound and some blood work.  After the ultrasounds were looked through it was discovered that the nodules had grown by almost 30%. The doctor did not like that at all, and wanted to remove this as soon as possible. So he sent me to an ENT doctor to start that process.

July 2014

Wednesday July 23, 2014, was the day of my surgery to remove the left side and the center of my thyroid.  They planned to leave the right side of my thyroid due to no nodules being found on that side.  Leaving this side would help balance my levels out in the long run.

I was in a lot of pain following the surgery but by the next day I was ready to go home. I was discharged and sent home with a large bandage on my neck. I was pretty sore but overall felt pretty good. I pushed through and by Saturday, I was feeling pretty good. 

On Monday, July 28th, 2014, 

I decided to take our little guy to a park. I was having a pity party and just needed to get out of the house. My extended family was in Chicago visiting my younger sister and my hubby was eye ball deep in the cornfields. I needed some fresh air. After lunch and some time at the park, we headed back to the van.  I got my son situated. My phone started ringing and it was my surgeon. She was calling with the Pathology reports from my surgery. She goes on to inform me that there were two spots of cancer (1.5 cm papillary; 3.8 cm follicular) that were found.

I went NUMB.

My ears were ringing.

My ears shut off.

I felt like I couldn't breath for a moment. 

I began to sob uncontrollably. 

The doctor consoled me on the phone and tried to help me collect myself. 

 It is a routine for them to go back in and remove the rest of the thyroid when cancer is found. The doctor told me that I needed to come back in on Wednesday to have the rest of it removed. 

Wednesday, July 30th, 2014

It was like a really bad nightmare, actually. 

Driving to the hospital.

Being admitted.

Starting an IV. (which is the WORST part)

Lying in a bed waiting for the doctor. 

Being rolled back into the same operating room you just saw 7 days ago.

Going through anesthesia again.

Waking up IN the operating room.

Having a scar that is partially healed, cut into again. 

Waking up in a recovery room. 

Being confined to a hospital room for two full days.

AGAIN!

I remember just wanting to cry and throw the biggest temper tantrum on this day. I didn't want to go. I didn't want to go through all of that CRAP again. I wanted to clinch my hands on the doorway as my bed rolled through and tell them NO, I DON'T WANT TO GO. I remember crying uncontrollably as they wheeled me in to the OR, again. I just didn't want to do this. 

But I NEEDED TO. 

 This surgery was by far the most PAINFUL experience. I didn't expect this much pain due to not only removing the rest of my thyroid but also all of the lymph nodes that were located around it. I had to stay an extra day so they could monitor my incision. 

6 weeks later~

I had a follow up with my ENT doctor and the endocrinologist.  They felt I was healing very well. Both of them expressed their state of shock in the findings from pathology. My biopsy from six months prior was benign so when they found malignant cells they were very surprised. It isn't all that rare for it to happen, they just weren't expecting it. 

September 2014

I had to prep myself for the RadioActive Iodine Treatment that is done with patients that had thyroid cancer. This treatment goes in and "zaps" all of the thyroid cells that may be left and makes sure that they are gone so no more cancer can develop there. 

I had to be on a Low Iodine Diet for 30 days. This was a terrible diet to be on. It was so difficult to find anything to eat. 

Pretty much NO IODIZED SALT.

If it had salt in it, I couldn't eat it. 

The thyroid absorbs iodine. 

So this diet was starving any thyroid cell that was left, of iodine.

 This 'starving' process, would help the radiation to be absorbed better. 

Tuesday, September 23rd, 2014 (My birthday)

 I had to get a shot to prepare my body for the treatment.

Wednesday, September 24th, 2014

I had to travel, by myself, to the hospital to take a Radioactive Pill.

This was a frightening experience for me because I had no idea what to expect. 

Wednesday-Saturday

I had to remain in our basement in isolation.

My body was absorbing the radiation, so I was essentially "radioactive" and needed to be away from small children.

I had to use rubber gloves so I didn't contaminate things. 

I was still on my restricted diet. 

I missed my family.

And I felt very alone.

October 1st, 2014

I had my follow-up with the doctor with the RAI treatment. 

I had a body scan done so they could see if the radiation was located in the right places (around my neck and jaw line). This confirmed that the treatment did what it was supposed to do. 

This body scan also showed that there was NO OTHER areas of concern. 

*SIGH OF RELIEF*

 Need to have a follow-up in 6 months.

October through April 

These months have been spent trying to figure out my new medicine and the right dosage for me. 

Severe sluggishness.

Weight gain.

Tired all day long.

Muscle fatigue.

Mood swings.

I have never dealt with a mental illness but dealing with all of this has really made me question my mental state. I have expressed all of this to several different healthcare professionals, they all assure me that "its all a part of the process". I had NO IDEA that I could feel SO BAD, for so long. 

May 5th 2015

I had an Ultrasound, blood work and an appointment with my endocrinologist. 

I expressed to him that I still didn't feel "normal". He evaluated my blood work and felt that we could increase my medicine that will help move me back to a "normal" range....I HOPE! 

He looked through everything and gave me an 

ALL CLEAR and SEE YOU IN A YEAR.

 

*SiiiiiiiGGGGGGGGHH*

So there you have it. 

A RECAP.

Over the past year and half, I have just wanted to forget most of it.

I haven't really wanted to talk about it much because it STINKS. It sucks to have to talk about health trials that you go through. I have no idea why all of this has happened to me right now. I do know that in talking with my doctor, he shared a perspective that we had never thought about....

He said

 "You know your frozen embryo transfer that was a failed attempt may have been a blessing in disguise."

I am a firm believer in GOD'S TIMING IS PERFECT.

He knew all along that all of this needed to take place. 

He was paving the way all along. 

As painful as it all has been,

 I know that:

 We also glory in our sufferings,

 because we know that 

suffering produces perseverance;  

 perseverance, character;

 and character, hope.

Romans 5:3-4 

January and February 2014

I have been experiencing some technically difficulties with my blog. I can't seem to upload pictures as easy as I once could. I have had several unsuccessful attempts here lately, AND little boy is deciding to revolt nap time so my 'free time' has been limited. 

 *sigh* 

Have I mentioned that he is 3?!

 Wow, is really all I can say about this age and stage right now. 

SO...

We work hard to wear him out whenever we can. 

Or else, 

WE get worn out by him!

Daddy's Birthday & Monster Trucks

The beginning of January, brought us daddy's birthday. One of his birthday wishes was to take Cael to the Monster Jam Tour.  Our son is mildly obsessed with Monster Trucks. I have no idea what sparked this fascination, but he just loves anything Monster Truck! 

We decided to make a family day out of it. Daddy, grandpa Craig, Uncle Chris and Cael went to the event and the ladies went SHOPPING! We ended the night at Fudruckers for supper, which was Pete's request.

It was a GREAT day for everyone!

Grandpa Craig and Cael enjoying the view.

"Dad this is the BEST TRIP EVER".

Of course all we heard about were the wrecks!

Celebrating daddy's birthday Hickory Park style!

Arctic Weather

These past two months have been down right ARCTIC. 

We have had several late starts to school and even a few cancellations because of the dangerous wind chills. One of Pete's favorite things to do on these frigid days is a science experiment. 

Boiling water turns to instant vapor.

Best action picture I could get! He didn't mind the many attempts though.

Indoor Play place

We took off one day to spend with the cousins at an Indoor Playground. This spuratic trip happened because I had promised our little boy that we would be going to the local indoor play place the next day because the Jumper was going to be there.  We woke up that next day, bundled up and got to town only to realize that they were closed due to dangerous wind chills. Needless to say, I had one sad little boy on my hands.  With tears streaming down his face, he said "But mom, you promised". *crush* The sound my heart made as I heard his disappointment. 

I made a phone call to my sister and met up with her for the day!

SUCCESS!  

*whew*

cousins!

 Swimming

One Saturday, a few weeks ago, we woke up and wanted to get out of the house! We knew that our little boy was showing signs of having CABIN FEVER, badly! So we needed to do something that would wear him out and get him out of the house! 

We decided to call around to some hotels to see if we could pay to swim in their pool.  I called around to about 7 different hotels and none of them allowed outside visitors to pay to use their pool. Until I called the AmericInn Hotels and Suites and they said SURE! So we packed up our swim gear and drove there not telling our son what we were doing. We arrived and swam for about three straight hours. He had a blast!!

 He asked for several day after that to go back to the pool! This summer is going to be so much fun! Bring on the SUN!

After those beautiful swimming pictures, I end with reality...SNOW! 

I truly don't mind winter.  I love the snow. I think it looks beautiful. 

AND, when the temperature is right, it provides great entertainment for this little boy! 

Sunshine...

Green grass...

Flowers...

Warmer weather...

Outside play...

Longer days...

Are you all COMING! 

Praise the Lord that even in trying times like this winter season that he is already working out the next beautiful season we call 

SPRING! 

December 2013

It is hard to believe that December has COME and GONE! 

Here is a little bit of a recap of the month.  It was a whirlwind, it seemed! 

It is a tradition in our church to have a Youth Nativity play. 

Cael had a little bit of a speaking part in it and it was so cute! We practiced and he was ready for the night of the performance. Here is a picture of him and a few kids in his Sunday School class. 

We went caroling with our church and youth group kids.  I thought this was such a great evening. The weather wasn't too cold and it was such a heart warming experience to walk around our church's town and sing to people.  Oh and there also was a gorgeous FULL moon this night!

Christmas Eve

My family has a long standing tradition of being together on Christmas Eve. I have very vivid memories of my family being together and the kids running wild while the adults sat around and chit chatted. That is exactly what it was like for us this year as well.

 At one moment, this Christmas Eve, I remember standing back and just observing our son enjoying time with his cousins and his family. My heart was filled with so much joy knowing he will have these memories for the rest of his life!

Here is a picture of the Cousins and their jammies on Christmas Eve right before we shipped them off to bed. 

Christmas Day

Christmas morning was pretty low key for us. We loved every minute of that though. It was so fun to have Cael wake up and notice that his cookies, veggies and milk were gone. Then to watch his face light up when he put two and two together that Santa had come. He was super excited to see what was left for him under the tree. 

Year of: TOY STORY! 

Books!

and Monster Trucks! 

 All crazy gift giving, food eating, story telling, busy-ness aside...

We made sure that this was the 

REASON FOR THE SEASON! 

Family

We loved having playmates around for a few days while the cousins were here visiting.  We spent a lot of time together and I don't think Cael minded one bit! 

Grave Digger is his favorite Monster Truck!

A HUGE Crane!

 One day while daddy was home on break, they bundled up and went for a "hike".  They walked to the pond and built a snowman. This adventure was a HIT!  He couldn't stop talking about his snowman and how much fun he had with his daddy.  

Over Christmas Break we also celebrated a very special daddy's birthday! 

Have I mentioned just how much I love this guy and seeing him be the best daddy in the world makes that love grow even deeper. 

Christmas sometimes overshadows this guy's special day. Each year, I try to make it as special as I can. We got daddy a few small gifts and we visited our favorite family restaurant! According to him his birthday was "perfect".  

Happy New Year! 

We also ushered in a brand NEW YEAR! 

A year that is full of all sorts of happenings. 

There are some days I get quite overwhelmed with what is ahead in this new year. 

I also have moments of grief over the year behind us. 

God knows what is ahead. He has provided for our every need in more ways than we can count already, we know that the days ahead will be no different. 

Our prayer for  

2014

is for 

Clarity

Direction

Prosperity 

God is holding every moment in his hands to be given to us at a very specific day and time. He knows how the puzzle fits together. He is working out a greater plan that we can't even comprehend right now. 

We will choose Joy. 

We will choose to TRUST Him no matter what. 

We will choose to accept his perfect, pleasing will for our lives. 

In the mean time, we cherish every single minute with the miracle we have been given. 

Here's to making more wonderful memories in 2014!

CHEERS! 

Caught Up!

I am going to attempt to get CAUGHT UP!  
Time just doesn't slow down.
It seems like just yesterday we were celebrating our special little boy's 3rd birthday! When in reality, it is ALMOST CHRISTMAS and a NEW YEAR!! Yikes!

OCTOBER
We made a family night out of carving pumpkins! Of course daddy took on the task of carving a complicated design and I took on the SMILEY FACE! And Cael, well he decided that poking holes in some Styrofoam was much more entertaining!

Daddy's pumpkin! That took him almost an HOUR to do! 

 

Notice my CHEESY one on the left! 

TRICK OR TREAT
I am really not a huge fan of Halloween, I never really have been. However, I think that when kids are little it is so fun to dress them up and give them the experience of Trick or Treating. We opted to go to the Trick or Treat stroll down main street in a neighboring town that just happened to be during the day time.  We were able to spend some time with cousin Madden too, so that is always fun! 

What does the FOX say?

Madden: Jerry and Cael: Fox

Our church's outreach night!

BIG BOY BED
One of Cael's birthday presents this year was a BIG BOY BED! He was not as thrilled about this gift as mommy and daddy were however.
Now, if I said that this was a smooth transition, I would be lying! This transition into a big boy bed was quite possibly the HARDEST and LONGEST struggle we have had (still having) with him so far. To add to the transition we also clipped all of his pacifiers and took those away completely and forever!
He has had this beautiful bed for about 6 weeks now. I think we are starting to settle in however there is still a TRANSITION happening. 

Before

After

What a BIG BOY!!!

 INDOOR PLAY PLACE
Since winter weather has arrived our local FREE play place has opened.  We are so excited to have somewhere to go and run off energy during the cold months!
I have to share this picture of him riding on this pedal tractor. Just last March when we were there playing, he couldn't reach the pedals but wanted to ride this so bad! He ran right to it last week, hopped on it and began pedaling like a CHAMP! It was so fun to see his determination and excitement when he knew what he had accomplished!

 

Fuelin' up!


December
We have now entered (and nearly completed) December. 
I will leave with this family picture we captured when we were attempting a picture for our Christmas cards. 

Remember JESUS is the reason for this SEASON! 

Merry Christmas
 from 
Down Drury Lane! 

Birthday Boy

I'm really not sure where the time has gone but this little boy just grew right before our eyes.
My heart just melts when I look at some of these baby pictures. To be quite honest, I get really teary as I reflect on the past three years. Part of those tears are sadness, some of the tears are joy and a lot of those tears are gratitude. God had blessed us beyond measure with this little guy. So we took the time on his actually birthday and had a party. The party was celebrate his life and all that he brings to our family. We had a wonderful time bringing our extended family together to celebrate his 3rd birthday!

The morning of his birthday we had a special quiet celebration with just Mommy, daddy and Cael. I wanted this to be a special time as small family. We talked about how special he is to us and then we gave him a few presents to open. He was so surprised to see presents!

We love DIGGERS and we love BOOKS!

Big fan of SNOOPY!  This is also a throwback from the 80's too! 

MATER!

A special birthday breakfast with 3 candles and a birthday song!

Then that afternoon, we had our extended family come over for a party.  We asked Pete's aunt, who makes amazingly DELICIOUS cakes to make a digger cake.  I told her that I was not picky and I didn't really mind what it looked like, I just wanted to eat her cake! So that day when she showed up with THIS CAKE, we all were amazed by her talent! Cael was a little excited, to say the least. He couldn't wait to get his hands on the digger that was about ready to destroy the cake! 

 

Cael (3), *cousins*  Mallory (5), Mason (9) and Madden (2)

 

A party isn't complete with a little Mustache!

The best family picture we got with his awesome cake! See, he can't take his eyes off of that cake!

 Right before we put jammies on for the night we begged for ONE MORE picture of him in his birthday shirt. We stood back and snapped this BEAUT! Wow, ONE picture and this is what we got! Isn't he just so handsome. This picture seriously brings the biggest smile to my face. 

Here is the shirt I made for his birthday! 

 

Just 4 short years ago, we felt a gaping hole in our hearts that we desired so deeply to be parents. We had broken hearts and were facing our second attempt of IVF, that would end in a sheer disappointment. Now our wounded hearts were broken to pieces. Little did we know that in four years from that we would be here celebrating this special little boy's birthday.  A little boy that calls me MOMMY and calls him DADDY! Even though our hearts are still a bit wounded we know that God himself is restoring us for greater things.

Thank you Lord Jesus for this special gift of life you have given to us. Help us to seek your wisdom and knowledge to raise this little boy to know you, to love you and to serve you each day of his life. Help us to never forget the ways you have provided for us.